OK so i figured out what was going on. eso installed two addon folders and was not looking for addons in the correct location. Way to find out is to search for addons in the search bar. Hope this helps others who have done everything right but still can't figure out why addons are not showing ingame.

ow and don't bother emails eso about it, they will not help. It's a joke. Even when it turns out to be a game installation bug and not something to do with someone else's addon.

only took me 4 days to figure this out, theres one post in a remote bloody forum about this. Now theres two.